{"id":2166,"date":"2014-07-07T08:14:00","date_gmt":"2014-07-07T08:14:00","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2022-06-30T11:36:28","modified_gmt":"2022-06-30T11:36:28","slug":"email-del-7-de-julio-de-2014","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/2014\/07\/07\/email-del-7-de-julio-de-2014\/","title":{"rendered":"Email del 7 de julio de 2014"},"content":{"rendered":"<table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" class=\"tr-caption-container\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/leonardo-alenza_satire-of-the-romantic-suicide-1839.jpg?ssl=1\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/leonardo-alenza_satire-of-the-romantic-suicide-1839.jpg?resize=317%2C400&#038;ssl=1\" class=\"wp-image-2167\" height=\"400\" width=\"317\" \/><\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td class=\"tr-caption\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: xx-small;\">Leonardo Alenza. <i>Satire of the romantic suicide<\/i> (1839)<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<p>\nHola:<\/p>\n<p>\nAyer volv\u00ed a intentar suicidarme. Despu\u00e9s de redactar unas breves l\u00edneas al juez, y otras mucho m\u00e1s extensas a mi familia, amigos y amantes, acerqu\u00e9 a mi cr\u00e1neo el ca\u00f1\u00f3n de una pistola y apret\u00e9 con fuerza el gatillo. Como el arma era de chocolate s\u00f3lo logr\u00e9 mancharme la sien. Desde entonces no para de revolotear mi cabeza una mosca, diminuta como un grano de arroz sorgo y tan pesada como la esposa de mi t\u00edo Braulio cuando intenta una y otra vez contarnos los dolores de su primer parto. Autoeutanasiarse no es tan f\u00e1cil como puede parecer, por lo menos, procurando que el proceso sea lo m\u00e1s indoloro posible. Conoc\u00ed a un tipo que lo intent\u00f3 acercando su nariz a la boca de una mujer con halitosis -que previamente hab\u00eda contratado- pero lo \u00fanico que consigui\u00f3 fue un tremendo dolor de cabeza y algunas arcadas francamente desagradables. Seg\u00fan la web \u00abSuicideeasy.com\u00bb la mejor manera de quitarse de en medio es calentando calcetines sucios de mendigos en un hornillo y respirando su vapor ponzo\u00f1oso.<\/p>\n<p>Desde que cumpl\u00ed 19 a\u00f1os, he intentado evaporarme unas siete veces. Una vez cas\u00ed lo consegu\u00ed escuchando toda la discograf\u00eda completa de Bumbury, pero al final lograron salvarme con varias transfusiones y la promesa del representante de dicho artista de que su representado dejar\u00eda definitivamente la m\u00fasica y se retirar\u00eda a un pueblecito de las Hurdes donde ten\u00eda pensado abrir una peluquer\u00eda-casta\u00f1er\u00eda-carnicer\u00eda de lujo.<\/p>\n<p>Mientras te escribo estas l\u00edneas me rondan por la cabeza dos ideas: la primera bautizar a la mosquita pesada como Alexis Rose, que es un nombre compuesto que le va perfecto; la segunda, volver a intentar terminar con mi existencia esta noche, tras mis oraciones marianas post-coitales. Como ya sabes, mantengo una relaci\u00f3n sentimental con una faja enteriza moldeadora y adelgazante que adquir\u00ed en el rastro, a la que hago el amor como un poseso todas las noches y a la que pienso dejar todas mis posesiones.<\/p>\n<p>\nUn besazo<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Leonardo Alenza. Satire of the romantic suicide (1839) Hola: Ayer volv\u00ed a intentar suicidarme. Despu\u00e9s de redactar unas breves l\u00edneas al juez, y otras mucho m\u00e1s extensas a mi familia, amigos y amantes, acerqu\u00e9 a mi cr\u00e1neo el ca\u00f1\u00f3n de una pistola y apret\u00e9 con fuerza el gatillo. Como el arma era de chocolate s\u00f3lo [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2167,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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