{"id":686,"date":"2020-03-28T17:47:00","date_gmt":"2020-03-28T17:47:00","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2022-06-30T11:28:26","modified_gmt":"2022-06-30T11:28:26","slug":"email-del-28-de-marzo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/2020\/03\/28\/email-del-28-de-marzo\/","title":{"rendered":"Email del 28 de marzo"},"content":{"rendered":"<table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" class=\"tr-caption-container\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-FPmAo_joZIs\/Xn-MLU7WPSI\/AAAAAAAAnOg\/EFEhazmt9EQhJIIYRREQkY-P4AcU202VACLcBGAsYHQ\/s1600\/Ribot_-_Le_cuisinier_comptable.jpg?ssl=1\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" data-original-height=\"1600\" data-original-width=\"1312\" height=\"400\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Ribot_-_Le_cuisinier_comptable.jpg?resize=327%2C400&#038;ssl=1\" class=\"wp-image-687\" width=\"327\" \/><\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td class=\"tr-caption\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: xx-small;\">Theodule Ribot. <i>Le cuisinier comptable<\/i> (1862)<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<p>\nQuerida:<\/p>\n<p>Esta ma\u00f1ana he estado escribiendo poes\u00eda con panceta ahumada. Bueno, en realidad la he escrito con el teclado, aunque escuchando completamente ensimismado el burbujeante chisporroteo que emit\u00edan las finas lonchas de beicon curado mientras se fre\u00edan a fuego lento sobre la sart\u00e9n de tefl\u00f3n. Los siguientes versos fueron pensados y redactados durante los dos minutos y medio que dur\u00f3 el proceso.<\/p>\n<p><i>\u00a1Al final no vendr\u00e1 nadie!&nbsp;<\/i><br \/>\n<i>Todos a los que esperaba han dejado de ser,&nbsp;<\/i><br \/>\n<i>estar,&nbsp;<\/i><br \/>\n<i>parecer,&nbsp;<\/i><br \/>\n<i>aparentar,&nbsp;<\/i><br \/>\n<i>y lo que es m\u00e1s arriesgado,&nbsp;<\/i><br \/>\n<i>pensar.&nbsp;<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Una vez di cuenta del tocino y me limpi\u00e9 las comisuras de los labios con una servilleta de tela, llegu\u00e9 a la conclusi\u00f3n de que tanto el procedimiento creativo literario como mis t\u00e9cnicas culinarias necesitaban de un arrobamiento ontol\u00f3gico. Por esa raz\u00f3n decid\u00ed aprovechar el aceite del cerdo para fre\u00edr dos huevos frescos a los que a\u00f1ad\u00ed un poco de sal yodada. La operaci\u00f3n no dur\u00f3 m\u00e1s de tres minutos. Mientras esperaba que el huevo se enfriara un poco me sent\u00e9 y escrib\u00ed la segunda estrofa.<\/p>\n<p><i>Las circunstancias esqueletizadas<\/i><br \/>\n<i>se aparecen ante mi puerta<\/i><br \/>\n<i>como un resplandor iluminando una carretera oscura.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Por supuesto, despu\u00e9s de quedarme plenamente satisfecho con los tres versos me zamp\u00e9 los huevos y reba\u00f1\u00e9 el plato con los dedos, pues ya no me quedaba pan. Mientras me chupaba el \u00edndice y parte del pulgar record\u00e9 que aunque generalmente mi determinaci\u00f3n es inquebrantable, inalterable, inexpugnable e inexorable, en ocasiones sent\u00eda la imperiosa necesidad de yacer y gemir. O reposar y llorar. O tenderme y suspirar. De repente llegu\u00e9 a la conclusi\u00f3n de que lo mejor que pod\u00eda hacer era tumbarme en el suelo, masturbarme y patalear. Pero antes deb\u00eda finiquitar el maldito poema, as\u00ed que volv\u00ed a ponerme con \u00e9l, no sin antes recoger los platos y cubiertos de la mesa y procurarme una servilleta de papel donde depositar mi semen.<\/p>\n<p><i>\u00a1Al final continuar\u00e9 solo!<\/i><br \/>\n<i>Todos a los que conoc\u00eda han dejado de reconocerme,<\/i><br \/>\n<i>quererme,<\/i><br \/>\n<i>abastecerme,<\/i><br \/>\n<i>conmoverme,<\/i><br \/>\n<i>y lo que es mucho mejor,<\/i><br \/>\n<i>joderme.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Y eso fue todo, amiga m\u00eda. La pr\u00f3xima vez que me haga otra paja ir\u00e9 directo al grano, as\u00ed me evitar\u00e9 tener que pasar por las putas poes\u00edas y los jodidos cursos de<i> ancienne cuisine<\/i>. Te lo jura o promete&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Greg<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Theodule Ribot. Le cuisinier comptable (1862) Querida: Esta ma\u00f1ana he estado escribiendo poes\u00eda con panceta ahumada. Bueno, en realidad la he escrito con el teclado, aunque escuchando completamente ensimismado el burbujeante chisporroteo que emit\u00edan las finas lonchas de beicon curado mientras se fre\u00edan a fuego lento sobre la sart\u00e9n de tefl\u00f3n. Los siguientes versos fueron [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":687,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Ribot_-_Le_cuisinier_comptable.jpg?fit=328%2C400&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=686"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/687"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}