{"id":916,"date":"2019-09-20T20:54:00","date_gmt":"2019-09-20T20:54:00","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2022-06-30T11:29:39","modified_gmt":"2022-06-30T11:29:39","slug":"email-del-20-de-septiembre-2019","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/2019\/09\/20\/email-del-20-de-septiembre-2019\/","title":{"rendered":"Email del 20 de septiembre 2019"},"content":{"rendered":"<table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" class=\"tr-caption-container\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-ih5gP8lUnBw\/XYU682VHyuI\/AAAAAAAAhD0\/mQLFJ-IEvvcdKDg9tVI_vrtyxwPmA5KugCLcBGAsYHQ\/s1600\/%25D0%25B1%25D1%2580%25D0%25B5%25D0%25B9%25D0%25B3%25D0%25B5%25D0%25BB%25D1%258C.jpg?ssl=1\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" data-original-height=\"581\" data-original-width=\"678\" height=\"342\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/25D025B125D1258025D025B525D025B925D025B325D025B525D025BB25D1258C.jpg?resize=400%2C342&#038;ssl=1\" class=\"wp-image-917\" width=\"400\" \/><\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td class=\"tr-caption\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: xx-small;\">Pieter Bruegel. <i>Pissing against the moon<\/i> (1558)<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<p>\nQuerida:<\/p>\n<p>Dos ancianas que f\u00e1cilmente rondar\u00edan los 90 a\u00f1os conversaban acerca de las pocas medicinas que les recetaba su m\u00e9dico mientras aguardaban su turno en la sala de espera del centro de salud. Al lado de la que parec\u00eda la decana de las brujas nonagenarias permanec\u00eda en actitud poco complaciente un ni\u00f1o de no m\u00e1s de siete u ocho a\u00f1os que jugaba con lo que unos a\u00f1os antes debi\u00f3 ser un bonito avi\u00f3n de juguete.<br \/>\n\u00abSu bisnieto\u00bb, exclam\u00f3 la m\u00e1s joven de las dos mientras trataba de demostrarse a s\u00ed misma que si quer\u00eda pod\u00eda dejar de ser una mera lugarteniente, \u00absu bisnieto se est\u00e1 metiendo ese juguete por el&#8230; por, ejem, por el culete\u00bb. Y era verdad, el maldito ni\u00f1o se hab\u00eda bajado los pantalones y los calzoncillos mientras su bisabuela estaba distra\u00edda, e intentaba sin demasiado \u00e9xito introducir un ala del Boeing 747 por su trasero.<br \/>\nJusto en el instante en que su bisabuela le sub\u00eda los pantalones y trataba de asfixiarlo meti\u00e9ndole el avioncito por la boca, decid\u00ed dejar de seguir esperando en la cola y opt\u00e9 por largarme de aquel lugar y meterme en un garito de punkis que estaba ubicado a menos de 30 metros de distancia y que ya conoc\u00eda por referencias.<br \/>\nCuando el camarero, que era el \u00fanico habitante del lugar en esos instantes, y que iba vestido con andrajos semejantes en color, dise\u00f1o y textura a una o varias deposiciones excrementales de manat\u00ed silvestre, me pregunt\u00f3 que qu\u00e9 recontracojones quer\u00eda (sic), yo le respond\u00ed que una Coca-cola zero, \u00ab<i>s&#8217;il vous plait<\/i>\u00bb.&nbsp; El tipo la dej\u00f3 caer sobre mi parcelita de barra como si fuera una miniatura del dispositivo nuclear <i>Fat man <\/i>(o quiz\u00e1 <i>Little boy<\/i>) y se dedic\u00f3 a escrutar mis ojos de la misma manera que lo har\u00eda un quil\u00f3podo de la subclase <i>Anomorpha <\/i>sobre un oligoqueto de la especie <i>Lumbricus terrestris<\/i> (subespecie <i>agricola<\/i>), mientras me obligaba a pagarle en ese mismo instante. Supongo que no se fiaba de m\u00ed porque yo llevaba muchos m\u00e1s tatuajes que \u00e9l, o simplemente estaba tratando de demostrar qui\u00e9n de los dos atesoraba menos categor\u00eda.<br \/>\nEl caso es que tras pagar al imb\u00e9cil me entraron ganas de pegar al imb\u00e9cil. Y as\u00ed lo hice. Despu\u00e9s de golpearlo repetidas veces me baj\u00e9 la bragueta y le ech\u00e9 una meadita caliente sobre la cara. En ese instante entr\u00f3 por la puerta el famoso actor de cine X especializado en lluvia dorada, Alberto Gal\u00e1n, que para solidarizarse conmigo me ayud\u00f3 a mojar al gilipollas. Cuando acabamos de miccionar, ambos nos lavamos las manos en el aseo, y cuando convenimos que estaban limpias y sin rastros de g\u00e9rmenes, nos las chocamos efusivamente y nos largamos cada uno por su sitio.<\/p>\n<p>Podr\u00eda seguir narr\u00e1ndote lo que hice el resto de la jornada, pero francamente, no me sale de los cojones.<\/p>\n<p>G<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pieter Bruegel. Pissing against the moon (1558) Querida: Dos ancianas que f\u00e1cilmente rondar\u00edan los 90 a\u00f1os conversaban acerca de las pocas medicinas que les recetaba su m\u00e9dico mientras aguardaban su turno en la sala de espera del centro de salud. Al lado de la que parec\u00eda la decana de las brujas nonagenarias permanec\u00eda en actitud [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":917,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-916","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/25D025B125D1258025D025B525D025B925D025B325D025B525D025BB25D1258C.jpg?fit=400%2C343&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/916","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=916"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/916\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/917"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=916"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=916"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldespotricadoranhedonico.es\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=916"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}